I have no idea why I often wake up thinking about the time we took Andrew and Alec to the Keys for the first time. Andrew was 4 and Alec was 2. We drove. From Maryland. This was about 7 years before the divorce but things were already going sour. The place we stayed in was a small little efficiency in a community with a fishing dock. Their dad only wanted to fish. At night. *my eyebrows are raised again*

I, of course, was taking care of the boys while their dad was fishing. I always took care of the boys while their dad was fishing or hunting or working or drunk and passed out. I was a single parent who happened to be married. Whatever. I figured it out.

The boys finally fell asleep and I’m just sitting there thinking about stuff when the largest “palmetto bug” *nice way to say cockroach* walked up the wall behind our bed. I’ll never forget thinking “what the actual fuck do I do now? and why do I have to do this shit alone yet again when I technically have a husband”. That was a regular thought in my life. Of course, I took care of it and fell asleep in the bed my boys were sharing.

Andrew and Alec loved that trip to the Keys. They had a blast and it was the beginning of our yearly Florida trips which eventually became “our future home”.

I am not sure what the palmetto bug has to do with anything. I just always remember that night and I remember my frustration was second to my excitement at how my boys soaked up their Florida surroundings. The anoles, the coral, shells, water, fish…

Andrew grew up and went off to college to study Biology and I truly believe it all stemmed from that first trip to the Keys. I miss his sense of wonder.